Synopsis

This film is based on a recently discovered manuscript by one William Cobbler, which reveals that Henry VIII did in fact have two more wives. Although it was first thought that Cromwell originated the story, it is now known to be all Cobbler's... from beginning to end.Henry VIII (Sid James) has his wife (Patsy Rowlands) beheaded and quickly marries Marie of Normandy (Joan Sims). Thomas Cromwell (Kenneth Williams) is the chancellor of England & is close to the King. This union was organized at the behest of bumbling Cardinal Wolsey (Terry Scott) as Marie is cousin of King Francis I of France. Henry's wedding night ardor dies when he finds she reeks of garlic, but she refuses to stop eating it. Marie gets frustrated and soon receives amorous advances from Sir Roger De Lodgerley (Charles Hawtrey who, while still in his camp persona, is playing against type as a ladies man). Lodgerley has sexual relations with Marie in Henry's absence Henry wants to be rid of Marie as soon as possible, but Cromwell advises Henry that England cannot afford a war with France & hence he should act with caution.Henry is keen to be rid of Marie, as he has met the lovely Bettina (Barbara Windsor, in her favorite Carry On role). Bettina is the daughter of the Earl of Bristol (Peter Butterworth, in a one scene cameo), a punning reference to Bristols. Thomas Cromwell (Kenneth Williams) assists in ousting Marie by organizing Lord Hampton of Wick (Kenneth Connor) to kidnap the King in a staged plot. Cromwell and Lord Hampton also secretly plot to bring the King to harm as part of this escapade (they both had been planning to rid England of Henry for several years), but the false kidnapping fails as Queen Marie fights off the kidnappers all by herselfHenry tries to get an annulment of his wedding from the Vatican, but the pope demands 5,000 pieces of gold through this emissary. This demand is conveyed to Wolsey, who in turn asks for 10,000 pieces of Gold from Cromwell (hoping to make 5,000 pieces of gold for himself through the transaction). In turn Cromwell asks for 20,000 gold pieces from the King to secure the divorce. Henry doesn't have that kind of money, so Cromwell advises him to add a sex enjoyment tax to gather revenues.3 months go by & Marie grows frustrated. She tries to convince Cromwell to have sex with her & promises him the throne the England if he was to help her get rid of Henry by means of an accident. But she faints & it turns out she is preggers due to her dalliances with Lodgerley. Henry seizes on Marie's infidelity with De Lodgerley to be free of her; all he needs is a confession from De Lodgerley. He orders Cromwell to extract a confession using any means necessary. Henry then is approached by the French ambassador who says that King Francis will present 50,000 gold coins to Henry upon the birth of the child.This leads to a running joke in the torture chamber as Henry keeps changing his mind about the confession due to political necessities, requiring multiple changes and retractions of the original confession. Henry makes Bettina the Lady in waiting & transfers her to the palace to have sex with her. But Bettina spends all of her time with the pregnant Marie & Henry still doesn't get any. Henry is torn between the lust Bettina and the 50,000 gold coins & hence keeps oscillating between a confession & a retraction from Lodgerley.Henry finally gives in to his lust, gets the confession & marries Bettina. Meanwhile King Francis arrives with his army, & confronts Henry with the need to meet Marie, whom Henry had confined in the Tower of London. Henry sends Wosley to fetch Marie. In the meantime Francis walks up to the King's bedchamber & finds Bettina. Bettina tells Francis that Marie is in the tower of London.Then news reaches the palace that Marie was killed in an attack on the tower of London. But the truth emerges that it was Lord Hampton who had rescued the queen to expose Henry. The Henry buys Lord Hampton's silence in front of Francis by promising him a bounty of 10,000 gold crowns a year. Marie plays along when Henry punishes Lord Cromwell for accusing Marie of infidelity, when he produces the signed confession from De Lodgerley. Cromwell is sent to the tower of London. The matter is finally settled when Marie offers Bettina in marriage to Francis, which he accepts. Marie give birth to a boy who looks nothing like Henry. Henry pardons Cromwell and Wosley, when he sees the next maid of Marie, & summons the 2 for an instant divorce from Marie.

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